We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

writer811

writer811

Legacy Member
This is a quote from one of my favorite books, Stephen Chbosky's The Perks of Being a Wallflower. The quote has had a profound emotional impact on me and I thought it's a good quote to discuss from a philosphical stand-point. What do you think of this quote? Do you you agree with it?

"We accept the love we think we deserve."
 
I can see how that could pan out. Somebody who is superficial may be quite happy with just being told that they are beautiful, or that someone loves them, without wanting to see any proof of that. In other words, because there are no depths to the superficial person's character, the 'love' they are happy to accept has no depth either.

Then you get someone who is in an abusive relationship. Because their self-esteem is at rock bottom, they feel that they deserve the treatment that is meted out to them - that they are in some way to blame for it. Again, this is not real love, because the victim of abuse has distorted feelings.

When you have two confident, well-rounded people who love one another, the love is as good as it gets, because they are happy with their lives, and they can give and receive love almost automatically. If you are content, you are receptive to real love.
 
You're right Sandra and I was pleased to see your response about abuse because in the book, that quote is made to the narrator by a friend attempting to explain why his sister allowed herself to be hit by her boyfriend.
 
I haven't read the book but I'm familiar with the quote since it has become quite popular with the release of the film. I do think it is true though, even just based on my own personal experience. I have never been involved in any sort of abusive situation, however, I have made poor decisions based on a lack of self-esteem. I have deliberately gone for emotionally unavailable guys because I was just being self-deprecating. I think when you are healthy and secure with who you are, you value yourself enough to leave a person who doesn't treat you with the respect you know you deserve.
 
I actually have not read that yet, though I'm sure I will at some point...but in regards to the quote itself just out of context, I'm inclined to say that I agree to a point. While it may not always be 100% accurate, I think it can most be related to either people with incredibly low or incredibly high self-esteems. It's most noticable in the extremes.
 
You are right because I was that person that accept it once upon a time. I found better and really enjoying my life now. But I know a lot of people still doing it to this day. Everybody deserve better.
 
You know, I too, have been hearing much of this quote as of late. I am finding that this has much meaning to it. I have met people that have accepted 'false' love, so they would not die alone. It was very strange, I had this job, and everyone in the office knew the 2 people getting married did not love one another, it was almost as if they were settling for one another. You could almost feel it when you were around them. It was very hard, if you observed closely, you could tell that people had a hard time congratulating them, when they did, it was done in a very laborious manner.

Perhaps neither ever believed they deserved the love of another person, so just decided to settle for someone to pay the rent and help with the dishes. Very possible. It can happen to anyone, to me, to you, to anyone. Something to watch out for, indeed.
 
Well yes, I could somehow agree with this quote. I have been through a situation before wherein I just accept everything, even if there's hardly any effort from my ex-love. But nowadays, I already know better, and I would never settle for less than I deserve.
 
Yes, I totally agree. My sister is a good example of this. She does not think she deserves a greater love than she is getting at the moment from her husband, who can be abusive from time to time. If she thought she deserves more, she would have left him a long time ago.
 
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